A Story From The Sidelines at Muleshoe Bend - Drawing Inspiration, part II

This weekend I had the pleasure of working an aid station through the night at Captain Karl's 60k at Muleshoe Bend State Park in the Texas Hill Country outside of Austin. It's a night race in the same series as Pedernales Falls 60k (my personal racing nemesis) that kicks off just as twilight rolls in and the cicadas are at full volume. I have found that it's always a pleasure to give some of my time back to the sport because I always receive so much in return - as far as finding inspiration as a trail runner, there's no better place than an aid station in the middle of the night.

Case in point: a lady came through in the early morning hours roughly 27 miles into her 38 mile adventure. She wasn't moving quickly but her determination caught my attention. After filling her water bottles and helping her find some food, we found a quiet minute to talk about how her day (or rather, her night) was going. She talked about the stifling heat, how the rocks that had beaten her feet to pieces, and how a couple falls that had left her scraped and bruised. Her pace had slowed to little more than a brisk walk. And yet, her constant refrain was "But I'm not going to stop." She had made her mind up that be it a run, walk, or crawl, she was going to persevere. She would enjoy the starry sky, the calls of the animals in the forest, enjoy running along the lakeside at night, and take in the beauty that surrounded her. It was a gritty optimism that was shared by many a runner who passed through our little outpost that night, but somehow my chat with her struck a chord with me.

Trail runs of whatever distance are filled with rugged people and stories like hers, which is why being around them is so good for my soul. I have a tendency to rate an event by how I placed, or how I felt, or whether I hit this or that goal time. I do not often allow myself the chance to step back and look at the bigger picture. 

Being in amazing landscapes away from the bustle of urban and suburban life is a treat that comes along all to rarely in our lives these days. We're often plugged in, logged on, harried, trying to put out fires and meet our obligations. I'm certainly no different. I even commented to one of my friends at the aid station that I often forget how a sky blanketed in stars looks because I so rarely see it anymore. I need to remember that plugging in to nature and enjoying the company of like minded people is the real goal here. Perhaps I could even consider - perish the thought - slowing down to savor a moment on the trail rather than speeding up and worrying about a finishing time. 

I think the lady I met may have let me in on a little secret: that there is joy to be found in the good days and the bad days if you only know where to look. I think that if I can keep this in mind, I can learn to find even more enjoyment from these crazy little adventures on hill and trail.... 

Can you be an accomplished ultrarunner and a vegetarian (and not be named Jurek)?

Apparently so.

Hard Rock 100 - Drawing Inspiration, part I

This weekend saw the annual mountain race du-jour once again take center stage in the ultrarunning community, as the lucky few selected to compete in the Hard Rock 100 made their way through the San Juan Mountains of southern Colorado. I've been very fortunate to have had the opportunity to volunteer at this magnificent event for the past couple of years, and while it is my dream to one day toe the line myself, there are many days when such a dream seems almost impossible to imagine. Having been there, I have seen first-hand the ruggedness of those mountains. I've heard the stories of hypothermia, lightning strikes, animal attacks, sudden rock slides, frostbite, torrential rains, and altitude sickness that have befallen runners from the front of the race to the back. 

I wasn't able to be there in person this year but I was no less captivated by the stories that came out of Lake City, Ouray, Telluride, and Silverton. It seemed that this year, mother nature was more kind to the runners than she has been in the past - there was snow on many of the mountain passes, but otherwise the weather seemed cooperative. Course records fell, and whether it was the front of the pack or the back, we watched as one after another, athletes made their way around the 100 mile loop.

Whether I get my chance to step up in this event or not, simply the strength and resolve of each of these amazing people sets an example for the rest of us wannabe trail runners to follow. I tend to sell myself short, believing that I am not capable of stretching my limits. I listen to the voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough, strong enough, fast enough. After years of being kicked to the curb by those who were better, stronger, and faster, the lingering doubts about my own abilities is a plague that eats away at my confidence - a plague that I have to confront each and every day.  

And then there are the Hard Rockers. Running 100 miles through the mountains is not for everyone, to be sure. But seeing these individuals - most of them men and women with families, jobs, lives outside of running - who have come to the mountains to test themselves reminds me that we can be more than the voices in our heads sometimes seem to allow. I could never possibly imagine myself to be capable of such a feat on my own, but seeing them makes me believe. It makes me want to take that step, to put myself on the line, and chase away the chorus of voices telling me "you can't do it."

Run Stuff

A solid weekend of running saw me clock some decent mileage on the roads, and even spend a few hours on a trail again! My mileage remains in the "intermediate" zone right now, as I continue to develop the solid base I'll need as my summer training progresses. I feel very good and seem to be adapting to the new diet rather well. I'll post more about that this week as I enjoy a lower-mileage schedule that will allow for some rest and recovery, before pushing ahead again with some more rigorous work later in the month.

Today's run, via Strava.

The New Me! (Sort of)

So I have finally done it. I've toyed with the idea for a while now, played around with it off and on over the past couple years, doing a sort of a one step forward/two steps back dance that, were I a politician, would clearly be labelled as "waffling". (I prefer to think of it as testing the waters.) It's a big decision I am have not taken lightly. It's a major lifestyle change. So, here we go-

I am going vegetarian. (No, really this time.)

There, I've said it! It's kind of liberating to get that off my chest. I like to think of it as my new "dietary identity". I've been what you might call a flexitarian for the last couple years, having basically eliminated pork and red meat from my diet, allowing for fish and chicken almost exclusively. I've been increasing the amount of vegetables, fruits, nuts, beans, and the like and have reduced (although not completely eliminated) my consumption of grains; in that regard, I have eliminated white and processed grains, opting for whole wheat and unprocessed varieties when available.

I've actually been at it for a couple weeks now. I have experimented in the past but my heart was never really "in it". After further exploring food choices and considering the wide variety of options available (not to mention reading the bios of some pretty incredible athletes like Scott Jurek, Michael Wardian, Bart Yasso, Brendan Brazier, Rich Roll, and generally cool dudes like Matt Frazier who are all plant powered) I feel much better about my chances of sticking with it on this go-around.

I've been asked on more than one occasion "Why"? I could go on and on about the state of our food supply, how destructive our meat supply is to the environment, use of antibiotics, etc, etc. That's already been covered by others in far more depth than I care to go into here. (I'm far from an expert anyway.) But the bottom line is that I believe that this is right for me. It's a model for the way that I want to interact with the world. I've been coming back to this idea time and time again. And I've found that when that voice in the back of your head doesn't stop talking to you, you might want to listen to it. 

So I am off - 10 days in and feeling great! I'm encouraged by the variety of vegetarian options at local restaurants that I had never noticed before. I'm also looking forward to continuing to add to my repertoire of salads and hot dishes that use some wonderful meat substitutes like tempeh, seitan, and yes, even tofu. We'll see where it goes from here - and, of course how it affects my running and recovery - but I think it could be a good move for me in the long run. 

So to speak.

They say that time flies when you're having fun. While it is safe to say that I have had my fair share of fun over the past couple months, it hasn't ALL been the proverbial bowl of cherries - and yet the time has flown by nonetheless. It's about time for some new posts and I certainly have a few topics running around in my head (as it were). I'm also toying with some format changes as well. I should be back on the blogging train again soon!

Motivation

I've been pondering the idea of motivation lately - in particular, the distinction between extrinsic motivation (that which comes from an outside source) and intrinsic motivation (that which is derived from within one's self) and how it relates to the runner. A frequent refrain among those who don't share my particular tastes for physical activity is, "Why do you DO all that?" It's a perfectly logical question. On the surface, the training and preparation needed to run a half marathon, a marathon, or an ultra take time, energy, and patience....things that in our modern world do not exactly come in abundance. It really doesn't make sense to run for hours (and sometimes days) on end for little more than a little piece of metal and a pat on the back. It takes a lot of work. It's time away from my family and, by most measures, is pretty selfish if you think about it. But I stay at it, seeking that thrill of accomplishment and the commendations that accompany it.

But is there more to it than that? Should there be? When I began this journey as a runner many years ago, it was extremely gratifying to receive the accolades that would come with each successive achievement. It still is. Even as recently as my run in Boston a couple of weeks ago, I took great pride not only in the achievement but in the resulting praise that came with it. There was a great deal of pride in my hard work, to be sure, but make no mistake - the satisfaction that came from the recognition of others was also very important.

What I have been considering, though, is how important such recognition should be to me. There has to be more to it than that....at some point, the intrinsic must replace the extrinsic. When the applause dies down, when others aren't around to offer the back slaps....when I am alone on the trail with my own thoughts, what will be my fuel? What will give me the drive to continue? Then, what will be the point?

In my time of rest and recovery here over the past couple weeks I have given this question much thought. I'm already the guy who can run marathons....the guy who runs 100 milers....at some point the newness wears off and people aren't surprised or amazed any more. Appreciative, sure, but you can only go to that well so many times. And that's OK. I think that is a natural progression. 

And that is where the intrinsic comes in. I harbor an unending fascination and undying respect for runners of road and trail who toil and triumph in the background - who do not feel the need to post training run recaps to social media, who don't need to share their latest exploits among dozens of running communities, and who do not write overly long race recaps (yes, I'm looking at myself here!). I applaud those who DO - if not for those who have the courage to share their successes and failures, I might not have found my way to this sport that I love so much, after all - but I still look at those who keep going without the bright lights and the big groups with an eye of appreciation. 

It's hard for me sometimes to not feel like I am a self-promoter. I guess we all are in some ways, but I hope that as my running evolves, I learn to express the same level of humility and grace that I have seen from so many who have determined that the path for them is one of quiet, many times unacknowledged perseverance. I turned 42 a few days ago and I guess midlife birthdays warrant some introspection! Thus, this post. I hope to continue to enjoy the great friends and meaningful relationships that running has brought me though various media, electronic and otherwise, as I soldier on through my 40's. Yet I do believe that as I continue to engage in this amazing sport I will need to continue to look deeper, lest the waters that feed my desire to run long dry up.  

To be continued......