I've been pondering the idea of motivation lately - in particular, the distinction between extrinsic motivation (that which comes from an outside source) and intrinsic motivation (that which is derived from within one's self) and how it relates to the runner. A frequent refrain among those who don't share my particular tastes for physical activity is, "Why do you DO all that?" It's a perfectly logical question. On the surface, the training and preparation needed to run a half marathon, a marathon, or an ultra take time, energy, and patience....things that in our modern world do not exactly come in abundance. It really doesn't make sense to run for hours (and sometimes days) on end for little more than a little piece of metal and a pat on the back. It takes a lot of work. It's time away from my family and, by most measures, is pretty selfish if you think about it. But I stay at it, seeking that thrill of accomplishment and the commendations that accompany it.
But is there more to it than that? Should there be? When I began this journey as a runner many years ago, it was extremely gratifying to receive the accolades that would come with each successive achievement. It still is. Even as recently as my run in Boston a couple of weeks ago, I took great pride not only in the achievement but in the resulting praise that came with it. There was a great deal of pride in my hard work, to be sure, but make no mistake - the satisfaction that came from the recognition of others was also very important.
What I have been considering, though, is how important such recognition should be to me. There has to be more to it than that....at some point, the intrinsic must replace the extrinsic. When the applause dies down, when others aren't around to offer the back slaps....when I am alone on the trail with my own thoughts, what will be my fuel? What will give me the drive to continue? Then, what will be the point?
In my time of rest and recovery here over the past couple weeks I have given this question much thought. I'm already the guy who can run marathons....the guy who runs 100 milers....at some point the newness wears off and people aren't surprised or amazed any more. Appreciative, sure, but you can only go to that well so many times. And that's OK. I think that is a natural progression.
And that is where the intrinsic comes in. I harbor an unending fascination and undying respect for runners of road and trail who toil and triumph in the background - who do not feel the need to post training run recaps to social media, who don't need to share their latest exploits among dozens of running communities, and who do not write overly long race recaps (yes, I'm looking at myself here!). I applaud those who DO - if not for those who have the courage to share their successes and failures, I might not have found my way to this sport that I love so much, after all - but I still look at those who keep going without the bright lights and the big groups with an eye of appreciation.
It's hard for me sometimes to not feel like I am a self-promoter. I guess we all are in some ways, but I hope that as my running evolves, I learn to express the same level of humility and grace that I have seen from so many who have determined that the path for them is one of quiet, many times unacknowledged perseverance. I turned 42 a few days ago and I guess midlife birthdays warrant some introspection! Thus, this post. I hope to continue to enjoy the great friends and meaningful relationships that running has brought me though various media, electronic and otherwise, as I soldier on through my 40's. Yet I do believe that as I continue to engage in this amazing sport I will need to continue to look deeper, lest the waters that feed my desire to run long dry up.
To be continued......
